Tag: be positive

The Benefits of Conflict

April 5, 2016 | By | Add a Comment

The word “conflict” often carries negative overtones in our culture, with implications of hostility between parties, and even a military feel. A list of synonyms for this simple word only amplifies this feeling: clash, fight, dispute, strife, struggle, combat. With such a negative value placed on such a simple word, is it any wonder that an entire industry has grown around coping with conflict; an industry which literally created the problem and now offers the solution, known as “conflict resolution”? And yet, healthy conflict is always a step on the path to intimacy and real connection. Consider a more neutral definition of the word “conflict”, which is merely, “A state of opposition between persons, ideas or interests.” When conflict is […]

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Why You Don’t Want to be Fulfilled

March 29, 2016 | By | Add a Comment

Feeling fulfilled, achieving peace of mind and satisfaction with life, stems from the achievement of four universal needs that are at the core of what it means to be human: acceptance, connection, purpose, and service. Behind everything you think, every emotion you feel, and every action you take is your desire to meet one or more of these deep-seated needs. For example, the drive to succeed in your career may be fueled by the need to be accepted, or to have value. When this need is driving you, you unconsciously pursue career success at the expense of your health, your marriage, or even your moral convictions, because your latent belief system is at work; trying in vain to meet a […]

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How to Engage in Healthy Conflict

March 22, 2016 | By | Add a Comment

With a nod to contributing author Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, at GoodTherapy.org, I offer this outline on how to engage in healthy conflict. While the piece is devoted to personal relationships between partners, the model also works well for business relationships. A model for healthy conflict in relationships With couples, several outcomes result when two people engage. If both you and your partner fight, there will be arguments that escalate. If you both avoid conflict, a standoff will occur resulting in a chasm that separates the two of you. Since avoidance creates more avoidance, partners end up living parallel lives without much emotional intimacy. In a relationship where one person withdraws and the other one fights the result will be […]

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How to Change – And Make It Last

March 1, 2016 | By | Add a Comment

We’re well into the New Year and, by now, 4 out of 5 New Year’s resolutions are already starting to go by the wayside. That’s right, the research is clear that some 80% of people fail to follow through on their resolutions every year – within the first 30 days. While fully half of the population use the changing calendar to set new goals each year, they consistently fail to reach them. The #1 reason for this, according to PsychologyToday.com, is that the goals and expectations for changing tend to be unrealistic. Of course, fear of failure and simple procrastination also contribute to this cycle of defeat; and yet, if you approach the challenge of making lasting changes seriously, it […]

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