How do you define “true wealth”? A group of 19 thoughtful, creative, generous business leaders wrestled with that question at a gathering in Palm Springs. A wealth management firm was picking up the tab, and the founder—our host—already suspected part of the answer: true wealth has very little to do with money.
I am usually the one facilitating these kinds of gatherings. This time, I was a participant. Our goals were simple and ambitious: get clear on our personal definitions of true wealth, and explore how we could help others define it for themselves. Beneath that, I sensed a quieter hope: that we might discover how to help the world feel wealthy.
The setting was a beautiful compound in Palm Springs that felt more like a luxurious monastery than a hotel. The place was restful and grounding. After a few hellos to people I had never met, it seemed as if the universe had curated a group of open-hearted, independent thinkers who connected almost instantly.
What Really Matters
After dinner, we were invited to introduce ourselves in a way that went beyond our résumés. I found myself among smart, successful, emotionally mature people willing to be more than their job titles.
In our first session the next day, we took a closer look at how each of us defined true wealth by identifying our most important core values. We reflected on our life 10 years ago, our life today, and our imagined life 10 years in the future. We asked: What qualities have given our lives the most meaning? What contributes most to a felt sense of fulfillment?
For me, the answers came quickly: acceptance of what is—no resistance; relationships; purpose; serving others; and my capacity to see the truth versus my mind’s distortions. Naming my top values was the easy part. The harder question, the one I often ask my clients, is: How quickly can you name yours?
Shadow Wealth
That afternoon, our facilitator surprised us. Instead of the “free time” I was looking forward to in the 80-degree desert sun, she gave us a mandatory assignment. We were to find a partner and take an honest look at what keeps us from feeling truly wealthy.
I already knew my block. It is the scorecard I use to assess my success and value: my financial wealth. This is an old “shadow” belief that says my worth is measured in net worth. Just because I have worked with this shadow does not mean it no longer shows up. But I was clear that I will never fully experience true wealth if I keep letting myself be defined by my shadow wealth.
The assignment had two parts.
First, I had to confront my recent preoccupation with not having “more money,” as though more would finally make me happy. Many high achievers know that narrative: whatever we have is not quite enough, and whatever we are is not quite enough either.
Confession to a Financial “Priest”
I sat down with the one person I already knew in the group. Ned was our host, a veteran wealth manager who had created significant financial wealth as an entrepreneur. He had also done a fair amount of inner work and seemed genuinely unattached to money.
In that moment, I experienced Ned as a kind of financial priest and therapist. I came clean about the details of my financial life. All of it. He listened and remained unmoved. There was no gasp, no rescuing, no judgment.
We both knew many powerful, financially successful leaders with far more money who felt more insecure and inadequate than I did. We also knew people with less money who felt abundant and satisfied. Ned took a few minutes to analyze my situation and, beyond a quick “you’re fine,” offered a more holistic perspective on my investments and income.
I left our session feeling cleansed—not by his analysis or reassurance, but by my own act of disclosure to a grounded person who knew me reasonably well. The shame began to loosen its grip as soon as it was spoken out loud.
A Different Kind of Millionaire
The second part of my assignment brought me into conversation with a different kind of teacher: a servant leader whose work clearly tapped his genius. His work was as much service as vocation. It took him away from his family at times and left him with some financial risk, yet he was doing what he loved, in alignment with his purpose.
By the measures that mattered to me, he was wealthy. Not because of his balance sheet, but because his life was coherent. His outer choices matched his inner values. He reminded me that true wealth often looks quiet from the outside and feels spacious on the inside.
The “Comparathon”
As the afternoon gave way to evening, I stayed curious about what else got in the way of feeling truly wealthy. Then I remembered something: those introductions from the night before. They had sparked what I call an internal “comparathon.”
I started to revisit an old, familiar story: that I was not good enough, that I had to keep succeeding to prove my worth, and that success was measured by money. Money mattered so much because I was never convinced my bio would impress my father. That tape has been lodged in my shadow for decades. Most of the time it stays unconscious, but when it starts
playing, I find myself striving and restless, no matter how much I already have.
This is the quiet tragedy of many high and overachievers. We outsource our sense of worth to external metrics—titles, valuations, rankings, neighborhoods, and bank balances—and then wonder why we feel exhausted and oddly empty.
Choosing Your Currency
As I wove together my inner work from that day, something became unmistakably clear: true wealth is a choice. We get to decide if we have enough, if we are enough, and if there is enough wealth in our life and in the world.
We get to determine our life’s currency.
That simple fact—that we can choose how we define wealth—may be the best definition of true wealth. We have the freedom to choose how wealthy we are, regardless of what our tax return says.
Of course, this is not a one-time mindset shift. Many of us have to do shadow work to heal old wounds around money and success so we can believe the deeper truth that each of us is enough.
We may need practices of mindfulness and honest self-observation to keep from being dragged around by the ego’s endless appetite for more.
This work is worth it. Otherwise, we risk living by our culture’s or family’s definition of wealth, fearful of losing comfort, possessions, rank, and status. We risk living as if we are one market correction or one bad quarter away from insolvency of the soul.
If you cannot feel wealthy now—right now, in this moment—will you ever feel wealthy, no matter what you accumulate?
Tap your wisdom. Choose your definition of true wealth. Then live your life accordingly.
Brian Gast is an executive coach and author of The Business of Wanting More: Why Some Executives Move from Success to Fulfillment and Others Don’t.